How To Be A Miserable Ex: A Guide by Selena Gomez

Hey class and welcome back. Today we are going to learn how to write “How-To” essays. To demonstrate this, we have a special How-To guide by Selena Gomez.

1st Step: Comment on a TikTok where the wife of your ex is being called a bitch while promoting a fake narrative your brain-dead fans made up.

How-To’s work better when you add additional details.

About a month ago, Hailey alongside Kendall Jenner & Justine Skye, posted a TikTok where they re-enact the popular tiktok sound “I’m not saying she deserves it but God’s timing is always right.”

Mind you, this is a very popular sound on TikTok and has been trendy since 2020. The official audio has over 23k videos, with the majority garnering millions of likes and views.

In Delusional Land ©, Selena Gomez’s fanbase that has nothing better to do than harass the Bieber’s for Selena’s eternal agony, sent Hailey hate claiming that she’s body shaming Selena by making that TikTok. In a nutshell: it’s Hailey’s fault that Selena looks the way she does right now.

Photos: Backgrid.

Hailey who also couldn't find the correlation between the TikTok and Selena’s deteriorating appearance, deleted the TikTok and clarified that it was a random tiktok sound for fun.

How does this make Selena Gomez look like the miserable bitter and hateful wench she is?

First, she is playing her favorite game… no not the “how can I get better at signing” game but the “how can I beat my latest victim allegations by playing a bigger victim than expected?” game. As always, Sel raised the bar higher!

Secondly, she knows what she’s doing which is why she’s giving us such a beautiful & premium How-To on how to be a miserable ex.

She knows what she’s doing, her fans know what she’s doing, you know what she’s doing… the whole “be nice to everyone” while provoking hate, interacting with hate, and implying that you’re not letting the so-called “hateful actions of Hailey get to you” are all examples of playing the highest-victim.

By even interacting with the hate account that is responsible for the majority of anti-Hailey & anti-Justin tiktoks, she’s confirming that every shady TikTok that she has done is directed at the Bieber’s.

Why? No one would project that much unless they are an unstable loser. Which I guess is what Selena is :/

A key detail here is… if you really want to perfect being THE miserable ex, you HAVE to constantly interact with a known hater who’s basically a fan account for you and your ex-boyfriend… yes, despite the fact that he’s married… you must overlook that.

You need to swallow your pride and understand you are nothing without the drama of your teenage relationship and therefore you must interact with a well-known hater.

Thirdly, by saying “I don’t let things like that get me down” she is giving credibility to the story made up by her fans that Hailey, who was just minding her own business as per usual, was actually body shaming Selena… no she didn’t take the time to say “hey guys let’s stop with these fake stories” or “no she didn’t do anything” which is the truth.

Oh no, this bitter wench decided to give credibility to the story that has absolutely no correlation to Hailey’s Tiktok… and something Hailey already cleared up which Selena knows since she has Hailey’s update account notifications on.

And fourthly, do you know how pathetic you have to be to directly interact with a hate tiktok where your ex’s wife is called a bitch?

After doing all that, proceed to like a post on Instagram proving that you’re still crying over your ex who left you 5 years ago.

Why? You have to be dedicated to being this much of a loser in public.

Scared that her fans with approximately 3 brain cells, finally wake up to her actions, she quickly distracts them by posting a text conversation saying she misses them…

this is very on brand with her manic behavior. she did the same in 2016 with sofia richie.

2nd Step: Comment on drama from 9 years ago about your ex-boyfriend who’s married.

Yes I know it’s morbidly pathetic but it’s what you have to do to achieve legendary status in the Miserable Ex competition hosted by our ICON, Selena Gomez.

You may ask yourself… instead of commenting on a TikTok about how badly your ex hurt your 9 years ago, leading you to release a song that was already recorded a year after you guys broke things off again for the millionth time, wouldn’t it be better to go to therapy and stay there?

NO! You must lose all dignity to win this competition!

3rd Step: Blame previous weight loss on your married ex despite being with a different man at that time.

she’s not, go to therapy

What makes Selena in the lead of the Miserable Ex competition, it’s that she goes as far as to react to a time period where she was dating The Weeknd and doing lines of coke until her kidney burst… to blaming it on Justin Bieber… a person who was not with her during her extreme weight loss.

Alongside the drugs, she had a kidney transplant and was put on a lot of food restrictions and medications that aided in the weight loss, but of course, we must always blame everything on Justin Bieber. It’s the only way!

4th Step: Make a video saying you don’t give a f-ck right after your ex’s wife posts a video saying to leave her alone because the hate that you provoked has gotten that serious.

Hailey’s TikTok:

@haileybieber

this is for you guys in my comments every single time I post

♬ original sound - Hailey Bieber

Selena’s reply 3 days later:

Of course everyone was in the comments confirming that they know this is her response to Hailey.

And Selena who was liking the comments, saw the Hailey comments and chose to leave them up.

Unlike step 1, there is a definitive correlation between Hailey saying “please leave me alone” and Selena posting a video saying “I really don’t give a f-ck” right after.

Unlike blaming Selena being body shamed by her own fans, on Hailey making a Tiktok sound saying “God’s timing is always right.”

God’s timing is right on what? Selena’s fans turning on her because she gained weight? This happens every 5 years. They don’t focus on her music but instead on her weight gain because that’s what they stan her for, looks.

Can’t blame them, she doesn’t really give them munch reasons to stan besides faded-looks and of course her #1 best-selling How-To on How To Be A Miserable Ex.

5th Step: Post a skincare routine directly after your ex’s wife does one, but instead of being normal, you have to mock the steps and subtly give the finger.

A refresher on what happened:

Fun fact: this is an excerpt from a draft that I never posted about this situation. I made a video instead.

Hailey posted a get-ready with me in Chicago on TikTok where she’s doing her skincare and makeup. 

Just 5 hours later, Selena posts a video of her doing skin care as well but she’s not talking through it. Instead, she’s doing a lot of mocking and exaggerated facial expressions while putting on skincare as you can see here.

She’s even rolling her eyes, sticking up the middle finger, and doing a bunch of shady expressions. 

This is unusual for Selena because she usually does her makeup routines in a smiley wholesome way and not in a condescending look. 

Everyone recognized that Selena was shading Hailey so then Selena pled mental health by saying, “This is why I believe in taking care of your mental health. Guys, no idea what I did but I really am sorry. Zero bad intention. Deleting soon.”

instead of pleading mental health, she shoulda pled insanity.

And then she turned the comments off, but no she did not delete the video.  

At first, I didn’t think much of it. I was like is she doing these faces to be overly sexual or something? Hailey didn't come to mind until Selena turned the comments on the video off… and then everyone proceeded to write on her next video that she didn’t need to turn the comments off and how Hailey doesn’t own the skincare genre.

They also kept saying “she doesn’t need to apologize” because why not enable this behavior? 

It was pointed out by fans on Twitter that Selena seems to mock Hailey and as you can see with both videos side by side, she does seem to be mocking how someone puts on their skincare and who else from the drama circle of Selena’s is known for skincare?

Hailey. 

Selena’s own fans were making this viral by posting tiktoks that were garnering over 200,000 likes by praising Selena for shading Hailey…. here’s her favorite hater-TikTok whom she interacts with on the daily, posting about how Selena really gave it to Hailey by shading her, captioning it “it’s Selena’s turn.”

It’s actually the nurse’s turn to supply the meds.

It’s not about Selena doing a skincare TikTok btw. No, Hailey doesn’t own the skincare genre and that’s not the point of this. It’s HOW Selena is obviously doing mocking gestures… gestures she never did before Haiely’s TiKTok.

Because I know Selena is unwell, I know that after this blew up in her face, she proceeded to do skincare TikToks mimicking the same faces she made while mocking Hailey, almost as a way of proving that this is just showing her qUiRkY sELf does skin care. But no… she’s a sick individual and if at the time this wasn’t proof that she was mocking her, the fact that she proceeded to shit on Hailey & Justin in the year after, proves it.

6th Step: Cry about body shaming when you are the queen of body shaming and sl-t shaming other girls.

7th Step: No matter what you do, make sure to always talk about your ex to the point where articles will refer to you as “Justin Bieber’s ex.”

8th step: Make sure to like old photos of you and your ex along with a shirtless picture of your ex, years after his wedding just to remind people that you are surely not over it.

9th Step: Act like a “pick me” by claiming you don’t wear a full face of makeup to “fit in” for “fancy pants events”

And lastly but most importantly… step #10: show absolutely no growth whether that is you from 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or today. Prove that you are the bitter and hateful wench you always were.

If you forgot, remind yourself of what you’ve done in the past:

But most importantly and this is very crucial… NEVER take accountability and NEVER focus on yourself. Yes, you were once told to Love Yourself on a very public scale, but DO NOT LISTEN to that!

Instead, dig a hole for your own downfall. Crawl in it and make sure you have an internet connection to continue the meltdowns on TikTok.

After you do these crucial ten steps, you too might become the world’s most miserable ex just like Selena Gomez!

A special shoutout to Selena Gomez for lending us her top 10 tips and I hope this too can help anyone who’s inquiring about how to become a Miserable Ex!

Getty Images

Let it be known that I warned you years ago that she’s a miserable and bitter wench who will never get better. She will never attend vocal training sessions because she’s too busy hating on Hailey on Tiktok while preaching women’s empowerment. I know you see this Selena, get help.

For those of you who will have the audacity to be like “yOu’Re sO biAsEd tO sELeNa” quickly tell me what’s there to like. Her hateful propaganda that has been going on for 10 years? Her lack of vocal training? Her stiff stage performances? What is there to like and defend, truly?

This one-sided feud she has with Hailey would make sense 7 years ago when they were both shading each other on social media…. which is funny because when people bring up Hailey’s receipts from a million years ago, on what planet does that excuse Selena’s bitter behavior in the present day time of 2023? You really still living on 2016 screenshots when Sel is over here supplying us with 2023 screenshots?

She’s supplied us with more hateful anti-Jailey propaganda than she’s supplied us with albums.

Not even exposingsmg cares to write about Selena anymore but nice to see Selena still hasn’t changed her brand. What I wrote about in 2013 is what I’m still writing about in 2023. I guess that’s the only time I’ve ever been wrong, when I had the audacity to think that she’d ever stop…

sad. all love.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this post and I hope it managed to help anyone who’s looking to end up like Selena Gomez. Let me know what you think and don’t start with the delusional Jailey theories because I am not shy to delete spam comments.

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